Opracalypse: Dark Humor Satire Short Story
Opracalypse: Kindle Short Story By Bridget Chase
Summary:
Oprah's been dieting, and dieting hard. Her stomach comes alive and takes control changing that day time tv host into a whale like mutant. She goes on a rampage and her stomach is craving something in particular.
Mila Kunis scuba dives to the lost city of Atlantis. Upon arriving she is witness to its horrible destruction. From the testimony of a few living dolphins, Mila is told of a terrible beast who is responsible for the end of their civilization.
Tom Cruise is training with Richard Simmons to get buff for a movie. He decides that he wants to become a super hero and help mankind. When his doorbell rings a woman brings fate right to his front door.
Sample Dat Dark Story!
Dat Hunger
That stomach of Oprah’s was hungry. Bitch had been on a super-cleanse as prescribed by Julia Roberts, queen of nutrition and queen of culture, for nearly a month.
“I’s fuckin hungry! So Gawd damn, hungry!”
Oprah stood in front an elaborate mirror. Her thick flesh was hanging like grocery bags on that body of hers.
“Feed me!” her stomach said. “You got big ‘ol lips, use ‘em to feed me!”
She put her sausage hand on her belly. “I can’t; this is the diet that’ll make me skinny and loved; but not loved like being rich and having a show- loved. Naw, real, raw love; the love that people give when you’re thin ‘n beautiful- God’s love. I bet it will be great and worth it. That love is coming for me; no-way that people would treat me the same as they did when I’m fat. Nope, I’ll be able to love myself and have everyone love me, finally. Because thin is perfection!”
“Fuckin’ feed me!” That stomach shouted.
“No stomach; only a few more months of eating toilet paper and I’ll be skinny and as loved as they come. You listen to me, stomach, and you listen good; I decide what you need, and if I say you need toilet paper, then you is gettin’ toilet paper!”
“NO! YOU LISTEN BITCH!”
“Eek! Oh, no!” Oprah stumbled back and sat on that pristine toilet. No one should be witness to what happened next.
Kunis Divin’
“Oh, how lovely this ocean is,” (BUBBLE! BUBBLE!) Mila Kunis said.
She swam next to Ashton Kutcher beneath that blue sea made by God for them Hollywood Celebs.
The two had some microphones in those helmets ‘n shit, so as they could talk a bit while diving.
That hot bitch Mila wore a tiny blue bikini. And, the scuba tank ‘n vest was cinched up tight under them tits making Ashton go, ‘WHOA! DEM GATORS BE ANGRY!’ Her ass was tight too, when she kicked them thin legs.
So, they went on down to those depths of the ocean.
Mila was wanting to see them Dolphins. “You know where they live and such?” she asked.
“Sure, Baby Cakes, I know where Atlantis and shit is. That’s where all dolphins be. But, be careful, you’re a hot bitch and dolphins like themselves some hot bitches,” Ashton said.
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About Bridget Chase
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